An honorary day has arrived. Father’s Day isn’t the easiest day for many, including myself. I had thoughts of skipping this blog, but my brain won’t allow the imbalance of writing about Mom’s and then skipping Dad’s Day. So, in keeping with my style, I write from my heart.
Here are a few fun facts:
· Father’s Day originated in America. The first unofficial Father’s Day celebration was held in Spokane, Washington on June 19, 1910.
· Mother’s Day was recognized as a national holiday 58 years before Father’s Day! Likely because mothers stayed home to raise the children, while fathers went to work.
· President Richard Nixon signed Father’s Day into law as a permanent national holiday in 1972.
· The oldest first-time father was Ramjit Raghav. At the ripe old age of 94, his son was born to him and his then 52-year-old wife in 2010 in Haryana, India. He had a second child at 96 years old. Ramjit died a few years later, at the age of 104! When the time is right , it will happen!
My dad was also an older father, but not that old! At 49, his last daughter, MOI, was born to him and my mom. It was a time of joy for him. He was proud to be a father one last time. I have many siblings, and we had the same parents, but different childhoods. The gap between my oldest sister and I, is almost 22 years. Dad was not the same man from his first born, to his last-born child. My book, Box of Shame, describes a tumultuous relationship that ended too soon, between Dad and I. Writing was and is, therapeutic for me.
Growing up, my dad was different from my friends’ dads, and I always felt like it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just our language, but how he looked. He was short, popping a small old man belly, with silver strands in his hair. Wrinkles formed on his face. His years matched his look, but so did my friends’ dads. They were tall, lean, with single colored hair, maybe feathered back or a solid mustache. They had a bounce in their step. Being in your 30’s is still youthful and that’s how they looked to me. Sometimes the dreaded questions would come. Kids are curious, but it sure hurt my feelings being put on the spot. “Is that your grandpa?” “Why is he so old?” “Look! There’s Anita’s old dad!”
I distinctly remember tension building up in me if Dad were dropping me off at school or coming to a school function. Anxiety was a part of me before I knew what it was. My mom read me a story many times when I was little. As I grew older and the whispers got louder at school, I kept this story in mind. It goes as follows:
A young boy was born on a farm back in the good old days. He worked hard, laboring with his parents in the fields and barns. He had many adventures and a good family life. When he was able to go to school, his father would bring him there via horse and buggy. I still remember seeing the animated picture of this in the children’s book that my mom read. Time passed, and one day, the boy was teased about the old man bringing him to school. He did not say anything. He felt shame and embarrassment. Eventually the boy told his mother about the teasing. His mother told him he had been given his father for a reason and he should not carry shame, Fathers feelings would be hurt. He should be proud and thankful for having the parents he was given. The school bullies should be ignored. The next day, the boy and his dad went to school. When the boy was sarcastically asked if that was his dad, he proudly said, “yes, this is my father.” His courage and acknowledgment were seen in the face of the bullies, and he was never harassed again.
I relate so much to this story! No, family life wasn’t always good. Dad was not the number one dad, but I began to accept that he was my dad, and he was old. That was the truth, and I couldn’t change it. Don’t get me wrong, Dad gave me other things to be embarrassed about, but his age wasn’t one of them. This was a clear difference that my siblings did not experience.
Did you have older parents? What are your plans this Sunday? Leave a comment and tell me about your dad!
Celebrate the life you’ve been given and be thankful for him. If you didn’t have a present father or he wasn’t the best, I am sorry, but you can now BE the best dad!
Happy Father’s Day to the old guys, and everyone in between. Regardless of your family structure, I hope your day is great because every castle should have not only a queen, but a king too!
⸙☺⸙
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