Good bye 2022, welcome 2023! Do you have goals/resolutions set for the year? I generally write a to-do list before year end, but I’ve hardly had a minute to jot down my goals. It usually includes tasks around the house, things to purchase, clean or organize. As far as health goals… those are non-stop, 24/7. I have noticed though, that I sure don’t take care of myself like I used to, way back in the days of self hate. Seems a little backwards, doesn’t it? Years prior, I’d take a bubble bath, apply a lovely scented body lotion, make up was daily and I didn’t look homeless! I suppose raising a child has something to with the lack of self-care. Our children’s needs trump our own. But what happens when they become adults? What is the excuse then? A mixture of this and that:
· It has become routine
· The mating game is over
· Years of marriage means there’s no one to impress
· Overall increased self-esteem
· Lack of energy
· No longer caring what others think… and so on.
I think I’d like to fit somewhere in the middle of all this. Growing up I was a little tom boy, forcing my way in with the boys to do whatever they were doing. I was courageous and had a little dare devil spirit. The teen years didn’t stop me, but I did begin to love makeup and clothes. Some days I want to look like I take pride in my appearance and other days, I’m good with bagged out clothes and my pale blank complexion. Balance, right? That is my goal.
This year I will enter my 50’s. A decade I never thought I’d hit. As this has been creeping up on me, I've thought more about my peace journey. I am starting to understand why “old” people do not enjoy talking or thinking about negative things. I believe it’s all in our perspective of how we deal with negative talk. Specifically, I am talking about the struggles and trials of our lives. For example, I can talk about my story to someone who is struggling or is dealing with a loved one’s struggle and they want to listen. Some “older” folks are not interested in these discussions. Perhaps they’ve had enough struggle and negativity for one lifetime and it is time to focus on positive happy thoughts. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop sharing my story of trauma and victory. Again, it’s about perspective and I fully appreciate those individuals who are on a path of happiness. I think about skipping down that road myself. A point may come, where it’s all about creating a world of peace and pushing away everything negative, no matter where it comes from. My fear is that I will become less compassionate, less human. I never want to be the old lady interrupting someone’s vulnerable moment of sharing their grief with a harsh, “I CAN’T LISTEN TO YOU! HAPPY STORIES ONLY PLEASE!” I don’t want to be that person, especially after having become an author of personal trauma.
These are my deep thoughts; worrying about who or how I might be in the future. Seems silly, doesn’t it? This is likely due to my unpredictable childhood. No amount of therapy, or hope changes my “be on guard,” “prepare for battle,” attitude. Trauma changes you, but with the healing journey that I’ve been on, I’ve come to learn about myself, I know the truth, whether good or bad and that my friends, is freedom!
Wishing you all an amazing 2023 journey! Thank you for your continued support and my question for you is:
What is one thing you must accomplish before the year is over?
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