World Alzheimer's Month

September 2022, Blog

September is bitter-sweet. An exciting time as children head to school, and moms look

forward to some alone time. I was once that mom too! The days get shorter, the weather gets comfortable again, and natures colours are on display. What’s not to love about fall?

On September 16, 2015, my world changed. Death and heartache were no strangers to me, but loosing a mother, shatters the heart a little deeper. Mom, my Äiti, left us for Heaven on this day. When a loved one dies in old age, we often say that they are no longer in pain, or they are now at peace. Äiti had difficulty admitting to pains or aches, but they were seen as her health began to deteriorate. My mom was the toughest woman I’d ever known. She did experience both emotional and physical pain, but it never stopped her. She never complained. Peace, joy, and laughter always followed, after her times of suffering. She would talk it out with God, give it all to Him and her bright smile would return. This was the woman I knew for decades and hope to emulate. I was blessed to have such an example to follow into adulthood. In Hein site, I didn’t truly realize this until I became a mother myself. There was a shift in the last few years of her life. She was not the same person I’d known for years. Aging, weakness, and her bright light were starting to dull. No, this was not her, nor was it the normal stage of becoming elderly, it was more than that. The doctors’ words were clear… “Your mother has Alzheimer’s disease.”

Her moment of death was peaceful. I believe on her last day here, she had clarity. It may not have been clarity of the mind, but of the soul. She had peace. Family had seen her in her final days. And when all had left the room, she was laid down for a nap, and left us. In true Terttu style, she let her children leave, as to shield their eyes from seeing her last breath. She went in peace and quiet, bravely reaching for the hand of Jesus and returning home.

Alzheimer’s is a brain disease. As described by the Alzheimer Society, “Alzheimer’s disease is a chronic neurodegenerative disease that destroys brain cells, causing thinking ability and memory to deteriorate over time. Alzheimer’s disease is not a normal part of aging and is irreversible.” Basically, as the brain cells are destroyed, one loses critical functions to survive, and death follows. This is what altered my mom. Slowly, changes in behavior and personality became apparent. Assistance was needed for daily tasks. Early on, these changes were acceptable and seemed normal. Mom was finally slowing down, and she needed help. She sometimes forgot the element on, or misplaced items, all a normal part of aging. Then one day, it hit me, I lost my mom years before she physically left.

If I wasn’t sitting at her table with treats and enjoying a meaningful conversation about life, the good ole days, or God, we were on the phone chatting. This was becoming a challenge for her. The words won’t come, or she would bounce from topic to topic. Her focus was gone, and our connection faded. I felt lost without our deep conversations, without my moms’ input. The phone calls lessened, and I became a caretaker. Alzheimer’s was taking her mind and trying to rob her memories. We don’t know what flashed through her mind, but it was a struggle to see her sudden tears and not understand. I imagine being stuck in my body, and not knowing why I feel things, fear things, or burst into anger. I don’t know why my legs don’t’ work, or why my bed is wet. I don’t know why food is put to my lips and I don’t remember the familiar face in front of me. There is so much devastation and heartbreak this disease brings. I’ve seen it with my mom and seen it within the nursing homes I’ve worked in. The following is a poem I wrote from the point of view of someone suffering from Alzheimer’s.

I LIVE ON

I cradled you to sleep, kept you warm and safe

I wiped away the tears, that fell upon your face

My hands grew tough and calloused, my back it ached at night

The work was never done, but still, I’d keep the fight.

The nest at last was empty, and I was left alone

My dear husband: God had to call him home

I’d learn how strong I was, taking care of me

Until my body failed and my mind no longer free

You see, my brain was being stolen, but I didn’t recognize

That disease was taking memories and causing my demise

Soon I didn’t know what the stove was meant to do

Or why sudden fear struck, simply out of the blue

It must be time to go to work, or is it time to play

Is it 1949 or Saturday today?

My heart is filled with joy when I see my children there

Why have decades passed, do they even care?

“Mom, we saw you yesterday.” They tell me with a smile

We chat and look at photos, for just a little while,

Then my body tires, my mind can take no more,

They wave and wish me well, as they head to the door.

Who were those lovely people visiting today?

I’m glad I got to meet them before I make my way

My heart waits for Jesus to heal my broken mind

My body is not needed, I’m leaving it behind

Alzheimer’s did not win; my soul was left intact

My life was full and rich, I never felt I lacked

I’ll see you all again, up in Heaven’s sky

Remember I live on, my soul will never die.